Clonmany : It's Us They're Talking About 1999

"Fr McGilligan's brother, Michael McGilligan, was the Minister of Finance in Cosgrove's government. He was down at the Cross speaking one time. There was a band out and it headed off down to Ballyliffen with Sergeant Murphy at the head of it, right, left, right, left. And didn't there come a donkey out on the road and Murphy followed the donkey! Well if you would see the donkey throwing up his heels and doing a couple of cracks at him and running on! And the people shouting, 'Ceap that donkey!', and the band played on. There's no crack like that at all now."

"You could have quare crack with the priests sometimes. Fr Conway came here in 1918 and was here for eighteen years. He was very droll. There was a card room in Gallen's backyard. That used to be all stables there and when they became vacant Gallen was the man built that place. There used to be a bandroom for a band to rehearse, and a card room. Fr Conway and Dr Dan Doherty would go there every night to play cards. Fr Conway was mad for the card playing and wasn't winning very much for a long time. This one time he swiped the table. Somebody said to him, 'you did well the night.' 'It's about time,' says he, 'I didn't dirty a spade this six months.' This was by way of saying that no one had died in six months. There was a man out in Tullagh called Paycock. McDaid was his right name and everyone knew Paycock. He was a very educated man and had a very military step. If it would take you half an hour coming in from Tullagh, it'd take Paycock ten minutes. Paycock was late for first Mass this Sunday and Fr Conway spotted him before he went in and came out in front of him just to take the mickey out of him. He says 'Well, James, you'll be in good time for second Mass.' 'Paycock came to attention and faced up to Fr Conway and said 'Dammit! Can a man not go where he wants, when he wants and HOW he wants!"' If it was permissible, and even welcome, for the priest to take a hand at the congregation, the one story that Charlie tells of the ordinary people having a wee joke at the expense of the clergy is all the more telling for both the harmlessness of the humour, and the mild disapprobation of the listeners.

"There was a station up in Paul's, and we went up there to Mass. It was a handy place to get confession. Barney Denny, or Barney Butters, in Tirhoran, was the clerk in this glen. There was no such thing as altar boys in them days. Barney the Carpenter was the clerk over on the other side. Anyway, when it came to Mass time - 9:30 or 10:00 am - there was no sign of Barney. We didn't know that Barney's wife's father was after dying up in the hillside. Barney did come but he was half an hour late. In the meantime, anyway, the people got to squabbling about what the hell happened to Barney. 'Ah, don't worry about it,' says Fr Conway, 'There's a good moon in it the night.'

So Barney came and served Mass and everything went well. Fr Conway sang a song, because nobody else would, even though there were plenty of good singers in it. He was a great singer. Anyway that night down in Copen's - that was a ceilidhing house - there was nobody there but Neil. The two sisters were working in the factory and they wouldn't be home 'til the weekend. And everyone beated in and Oul' Copen had rheumatic pains for years and he was down in the room. Neil would leave the door open for him to hear the crack in the kitchen. So Neil threw himself in the kitchen bed to make room for the visitors on the floor. Eddie the Carpenter was there, a big fella who was a foreman out at Leenan fort, and several others. And the 'discoose' came round to the terrible thing it would have been if Barney hadn't turned up to serve Mass, and they would have had to cancel the stations! A terrible thing!

'Ah Cripes,' says Neil, 'sure any man at all could serve Mass." So William Sean got up and said 'Damn yir blood, could you?' 'I could surely,' says Neil. 'Well go on now 'til I see what way you'd do it.' 'There's nothing to it. When the priest says domininus pro biscum you hand him up the stuff, and when he turns again and says pro remus you hand him up more stuff and when he turns around again and says pro ratis ratis you hand him up whats let and you'll have no more trouble!'. ' God forgive ye! said everyone in the room.